As i layed in bed this morning wondering how in the world the weekend i was looking forward too has turned into a weekend i am dreading??? Will there be enough coffee? Enough St. John's wart or God forbid zanex? Why cant things just go as planned? I just dont wanna get out of bed - NOPE!
As i layed in that same bed i remembered.......they never do.
I am a list maker. My kids will tell you i have a list for everything and everything has a list. Some would say its because im organized. Those that know me would say its because i have been out numbered for years. A few might even say with a snicker it might be because i am forgetful and my personalities arent always on the same page (this one might be close). I say its because i like to check things off my lists. It makes me feel like i have been productive in some form. ( i used to color code them..by child or event. im much better now. I have a strict post-it rule..a post it for this and a post it for that)
The list began : go upstairs and face the horror of the mess my children call their rooms, is my tootie (grand daughter) even on a bed, what in the hell is for dinner, will my sheets ever get clean? How long will my love have to work today and will he come home smiling his charming smile or will a duck piss him off today (don't laugh...ducks and pools do not mix), will getting my oldest daughter to her class today be an ongoing fight and when or is the youngest coming home...my favorite of this particular list..do i just take over and call a lawyer regarding my tootie and some sanity for her? (laundry is always on the list..the stack has grown, like gremlins...just add water ugh)
I made it to the couch with my list and grabbed my coffee, two dogs and cats (prayed to my sweet baby Jesus that no one woke up) and started looking at my list of what was the plans and now what are the plans. Then i realized the list i should be making instead, my blessings: Its Saturday, i am off of work. My youngest daughter is at a sleep over that i know she didn't want to face, my grand daughter is home for at least a few hours, my son is here, my oldest daughter didn't react....she responded yesterday and so did my love when i know they both wanted to REACT. Hell i did not do either to a certain someone, i mentally chose to let her be the mother she is choosing and my son the father he is choosing and i will be the mimi i choose. (goal there is i am older) I have already walked in their shoes and seen the results. I don't have to do it again. SOOOO NOPE, the devil shall not win today.
I listen to that song up there so much over the years. When my manic takes over or my fear starts to peek her head out of my many twisted personalities and remember.......each time i listened, breathed.....waited one hour or one day. Things improved. FAITH = believing in what you cant see or touch or smell. Its blind, but never alone. Who knows, today may turn out better than i thought to begin with? Most really do don't they?
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